Gothic Literacy from the tormented spirit of Sylvester

Gothic literacy and Romance from the reflections of a tormented soul, the undying quest for eternal love...This webpage is dedicated to the women I adore, with my blood flowing in their body

It is 2007 now. The women in my life, they come and go. I did try but they still leave me, on the sixth to the eighth month. Somehow I always recover from loss love grief, rested for a while without a maternal figure then another personality comes into my life and the cycle continues like a never ending curse. It's the way I feel towards them that cause me to lose them eventually.
I love her, but never dare to reveal my feelings till the day I couldn't take it any longer. Things begin to fall apart after my feelings was demonstrated to her knowledge. It was never the same again. Patience I must learn, in order for her to accept me, as her own.

'O how painful is love, that its sweetness of bitterness failed to stem the pain of grievousness of loss love .'

LOSING FAITH
Slender beams of illumination enter
this darkened church as I kneel,
always in prayer, always forlorn,
frozen here,
waiting

Angelic forms wrought in panes of glass loom as
dust dances in the air,
forming an image in my mind,
infiltrating my naked soul

Paleness on a mirror's face

I raise my head, now crying out for
this callous Heaven

SEEK REDRESS OF GRIEVOUSNESS
I am writing to convey my contempt, disgusted feelings over the members of the bible sharing group of Church of St Teresa.
They have achieved their aim through the ominously agreement of other members to oust a member who has been suffering from depression all these years. Reason given is for the sake of a healthy wholesome faith sharing growth of the group for the presence of this member could erode the said healthy growth of faith. The depressive member was demonstrated the fact of been disruptive to the group. Her inability to clearly convey the message of love has resulted in the misunderstanding of her mental condition by the idiotic morons in the group.
Being the so-called Brothers and Sisters of Christ, they would prefer to eliminate this member’s presence so as to maintain the healthy growth of faith in the bible sharing group. What a disgusting form of hypocrisy! The condition of her mental health is an unhidden fact among some group members but eventually the conclusion of prejudice was chosen instead.
Thus they have injected the venom of HATRED that penetrates deep to the abyss of no return which is the opposite of the teachings of the church. Her gesture of silence all these while has accelerated the threshold of her tolerance to the point of explosion. The feeling of hurts and hatred embedded in her is strong enough to warrant eternal enmity and the loss of her Catholic faith.
WHAT IS LOVE AS PREACHED EVER SO FREELY IN CHRISTIANITY? OR IS IT JUST A MASK OF HYPOCRISY?

"That continuous nerve irritation, that pounding headache, it is driving me crazy, an erosion of anger, if only we can unleash our frustrations in return for peace, when will it be over?!"

AFTER MASS
O how would my anger be ever appeased?
God seems so far away
With anger transformed to grief,
to the loss of my ever yearn one
The pain shot through my brain again
seeking shockwaves of anger and rage.
Such torment has accelerated its effect on my brain
and I know I am not appeased
What is happening to me?
I could feel my blood boiling threatening to burst an artery
Another cycle that plunges me into the abyss,
Once again I am forced to write,
Hoping to bleed off the boundless pain of loss love
I fail to see God;
I fail to see love,
Alas I am losing faith through disillusion,

MURDEROUS FELT
The mourning seems never to cease but with increased resentment and anger leading to increased HATRED.
I saw them at a distance, and could feel the negative energies within me built up to formation of immerse HATRED.
O how I wish I could unleash the force within me to cease their existence. Like a dark angel residing in a corner, I eye at their behaviours that is filled with masks of hypocrisy. Thoughts of my beloved stem my anger for a moment. Is she one of them I asked myself
I have to make known to these hypocrites of my negative energies so that when the moment comes I unleash my fury on them all is not lost

BEINGS OF THE DAMNED
This is it, I have had enough! The spirits of the Damned overtake my mind and soul and filled me with IMMERSE ANGER, RESENTMENT, enveloping me into the mist of VENGENENCE!
O how I hate them, with no avenue of release,I fear for the loss of self-control of which I will have no knowledge of what I will do
In the silent, turmoil waves of my mind I battle to sustain my anger,and I resent the word Forgiveness! It describes the hypocrites Christians.
In time of no trouble, they each display their mask of HYPOCRISY, preaching LOVE ever so freely and when the harsh reality of problems surfaced,the various colours of human characteristics emerge to protect themselves! How disgusting and distasteful! In the darkness of the night, in my dream I saw myself as a dark angel eliminating these BASTARDS so as to appease my wronged treatment and ANGER!!!

DARK VISION
I stood at the corner
like a sinister soul
Eyeing at those hated beings of Bible Sharing Group
those hypocrites
those self-proclaimed uprights
those so-called Christians,
O how I hate them
I could feel the waves of ANGER rising to my head
if only I could brandish a weapon
I could hear these words in my head
KILL KILL KILL
It seems so real
I allow the demon to work in me
planting the seed of
deep penetrating HATRED
A human voice release me
and I broke into cold sweat of reality.
Is this madness?
It seems so real

DEMON OF DEPRESSION, OR MADNESS?
When the effects of Fluoxetine wears off I begin to see darkness of colours and the demon in me begins its work stirring those feelings of anger and hatred. How I would want to KILL that person who has hurted me, how I hate him, How I would want him dead, that BASTARD. I wanted so much to smash that hateful face. As I eye him at a distance I could feel dark strength flowing through my veins with the urge to rush towards that bastard's throat and squeeze the life out of him. Alas God intervenes, I lost the dark strength and falls into the torment of depression the persistant sadness and guilt leading me to the road of madness

SUFFER
Suffer my anger,
Suffer my wrath,
Suffer my hatred,
Suffer my sadness,
Suffer my grief...
Through the Powers of Darkness
the guilty shall tremble

DELUSION OF BLOOD
In the delusion of the dark sky the air of the night is thick with dark earth. With sheer grace I walk towards the essence of moonlight looking up I thought I saw her face against the backdrop of the moon. With unknown force I draw blood from my wrist and streaming down my skin is a river of blood. As the crimson blood leaks from my slit vein standing there watching myself bleed. Joyce, the name that comes to my mind before I collaspe

COULD SHE...
Could she feel my love when we were just friends,
Could she feel my love when my eyes locked into hers,
Could she feel my love when I told her specifically the pain in my back
Could she feel my love when I poured my problems to her
Her silence plunge me into the abyss of lost love grief

REALMS OF LOST LOVE
LONG DISTANCE LOVE
As I stood at the distance corner I saw her towering frame
how I wish I could run towards her like a child seeing her mother. If only I could buried my face on her shoulder Those enchanting marble eyes of hers embedded deeply in my mind

BLOOD FILLED TEARS
The wrenching pain of loss love
stirring the warm blood filled tears
streaming down the face of contort grief
The world is filled with sinners and fakes
in the mask of love and deceit
they disguise themselves as the devil
I trust her she lets me down
I adore her she breaks my heart
The name that cause me such pain and grief
Tears of blood fills my eyes
blood is all I would cry

SADNESS AND GRIEF
Tears so hard to swallow
for it opens the wound of pain inflicted by the loved one
depression sats in, tormenting the route of madness
the pain of depression is real, stem temporary with drugs
Love remains, pain growing stronger
My heart being rip apart,
drawing tides of blood
flowing in a mixture of brokeness and grief
As darkness falls,
I scream on the pain of tears streaming

DARKNESS TORMENT OF DREAMS
Through the light of the white moon swallowing me in the darkness of the night the effects of the drugs failed to cease the pain in me. The wound is still fresh, after anger and hatred comes the pain of loss love, the love that I yearn for ever so desperately. Alas she has expressed her silence of rejection. As I looked into her eyes filled with motherly affections, I want to hold her rough hands so as to allow my emotions to flow into her. Then I saw her smile, so warm I long to hug her tight letting my tears flows down her shoulders. I long to go under her towering frame that gives me the sheltering protection I need.
O fallen angel, you touch me with your haunting presence tears filled with immerse grief I look up towards you, silently pleading to take away the pain of loss love. I saw your majestic dark wings enveloping into the shadows of the night.
As dawn breaks,like a tortured soul I collapse into a merciful sleep from the tormenting pain of depression

STAIRS OF INSANITY LOVE
Climbing the walls of insanity
to reach the ever yearn love of her
only to be engulfed by the waves of depression
Silent cries in the dark
I saw myself floating
to be entwined in locked embrace
of her towering frame
spinning in the darkness of the night clouds

SONG OF THE OBSESSED
Dawn of memories,
corrupted the illusion
of my mind,
O How I Love Her
Her stature presence stirs my ungodly desire
I eye her with lust and maternal desire
a feeling of helpless hunger for her love

God kills indiscriminately
and He is crippling my sanity without mercy!

Oh so painful is Love for I am wounded with mental lesion inflicted by my craze for your affections. My obsession with you has caused me the deepest agony thus opening a fresh wound bleeding from the vulnerable bout of helpless love. Night after night my tormented body quiver in deep anguish of the sweet bitterness hunger for your feel. If you could render your heart to conceive the love that reciprocate my deep adoration for you, the climax of seventh heaven we shall experience, together in locked embrace.

The consummating of two mutual love shall conceive the potency of seventh heaven

I am penning this while my sanity permits for I am still aware that it is in danger of being obliterated. I live in fear every day that I would lost my intelligence of a sane human, but replaced with the distort intelligence of the human mind. It seems so near as each day goes by. I have began to exhibit the behaviour of a mad person towards the people around me, the manifest of demonic rage or anger with violent venting of my beastly wrath. It worries me should the day the relevant authorities meddle into it. My mind, or rather brain is filled with the fantasies and thoughts that a normal soul would not have. Nightmares has began to torment me, and there were times my body quivers with extreme shock coupled with fears, cold sweat streaming down my face.
I shudder at the thought that my sanity is at stake. Only one woman can perhaps salvage me from the passage to madness, only she.

LOVE IS: -

accepting the person's faults and mistakes with concern and affections,
patient with the person's handicaps in certain aspects of living life,
bringing a smile each time the person's image comes to your mind, his/her quotes or speech and behaviours,
having recurring night dreams of eroticsm with the person,
having an unique sensation each time he or she holds onto your hand or having physical contact,
when you look into his or her eyes you see your heart and his/hers firmly joined,
where you would want to share good things and bad ones together with him/her, the anxiety of letting the person knows when it happens,
where you want to sleep in locked embrace with the person every night.

DAWN'S CREED

I see people with my heart, Not with my eye
I believe in the beauty of the soul, Not beauty of the flesh
I believe in Individuality, Not Prejudice
I believe in Sincerity and Truthfulness, Not Hyprocrisy
JUST BECAUSE I DID NOT GIVE OFFERINGS, IT DOESN'T MEAN I WILL BE BURNED IN HELL!!!

Title of the above graphic "New Hope"

Fallen Angel

Sexy Fallen Angel

As darkness falls, night unfolds ebon wings to wrap the world in its dark embrace

Other Gothic Links
Gothic-Rose: Destiny's Bitter-Sweet Seduction
Dark Gothic Feelings & Child Of Night
English Gothic
Gothic Iowegian
Gothic.Net Webzine
WickedPleasures's Sins And Shadows & Suffer My Sadness
RealmGothica.com
FormaldehydeHills
The Art of Jeff Gaither - Art for the Criminally Insane
Sinfully Wicked
Monolith Graphics

Back to:
Websitus Cyberarts
My Favourite Music
Subjects of Interests
Western Architecture
Angels
Jokes - Lighter moments of my life
Webpage on Mental and Psychological Health
Gallery of the highest form of art
Poems, Quotes and Proses from the tormented spirit of Sylvester
CyberArts's Gothic Symphony
The Beauty of God's Creation

You can send me mails to the following address:

Hotmail
Yahoo Mail

Background music is Lottyr, Lady of the Hells

The background music on this page was composed by Bjorn Lynne.

This website was created on 2 July 2004, Friday
Website updated on 19 April 2007.

This webpage was awarded excellence in expressive literacy by the Institute of Manic Depressive Research

Disclaimer: This site is of no intention of commercial business but merely the manifestation of the author's passion of life and mood. Please read the literacy works with an open mind and respect its flair of composition.

This site is best viewed with IE 5.0 or greater with 800 x 600 resolution.